Sometimes I feel like King Saul. Like the spirit of God has left me and I need someone to play some worship music on a harp just so I can feel peace. This last year of my life has been AMAZING but the last couple months have been quite difficult to navigate life’s drastic changes. I’ve encountered more transition then ever before and all the things I did in the past to cope with change haven’t helped at all. I heard a message from Steven Furtick today that said, “…change how you change.” I won’t lie, It left me frustrated, but instead of running to my guitar like I usually do or spending the next three days watching Downton Abbey, I took a nap. The workaholic in me screamed, ” This isn’t gonna help, go do something productive!” I felt restless, my default coping mechanisms called my name but the only thing I could do to calm my heart was put on my comfy sweats, turn my A/C to 60 an take a nap.
After my nap I decided I would spend the rest of my day reading my Bible. My mind was consumed with my to-do list, the argument I’d had with my husband, the news I’d received earlier in the day and countless other things. Truthfully, the only voice I wanted to hear at that moment was God’s — I thought I am going to read the word till I feel better. After a couple hours I found myself in 1 Kings 17 reading about Elijah. Here we find him living through changes and in a drought. He is being sent from place to place and having to be totally surrendered and reliant on God. As I began to read Chapter 18 ( this is chapter where he kills all the priests of Baal #likeaboss, does a pretty rad sacrifice and it brings the rain back. ) I was amazed how all that epic stuff came after Elijah successfully lived and thrived in a season of change & drought. Just then, I felt that still small voice that had been drowned out by everything else in my world say, “resilience can only be built in times of drought…faith is strengthened through trial. Don’t give up.” I was then reminded of a quote I saw this week that read;
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. – Helen Keller
So this is me, changing how I change, finally accepting that I don’t know everything and humbly embracing the process.