Motherhood and lack there of…Part 3

A year or so ago one of my dearest friends gave birth to one of the biggest most beautiful babies ever. And I had the amazing privilege of being in the room to witness the miracle, and who are we kidding, to be scarred for life. Giving birth has to be the coolest most horrifying thing I have ever witnessed and I won’t lie it was hard to be there, but I don’t regret that epic moment.

I know that as your reading this you’re thinking, “Are you a glutton for punishment? Wasn’t that super difficult?!” So I’ll just say, NO I am not, and YES, yes it was. I’ll never forget the moment when he finally arrived and my lovely friend said for the first time, “My son, my son…” They laid him on her chest and as the tears filled the eyes of everyone in the room I knew it that moment to be thankful. Thankful that I was able to experience birth, thankful that that GIANT baby wasn’t coming out of me, and thankful that God loved me enough to put me in that room for that grand adventure. I say all that now but that day, the moment I left the hospital …if I am completely honest, you should know I UGLY CRIED the entire way home. You know what cry I’m talking about…That Claire Danes, Romeo and Juliet 1990’s cry … THE ENTIRE DRIVE was filled with tears and boogers and,  “AM I CRAZY, Why Did I Agree to that?!” moments. But in that 30 minute drive the Lord downloaded the following lyrics to a song I’ve only sung once …and that’s all it took.

My soul aches, yet even in this moment you comfort me
My tears fall like rain, yet even in this moment you bring me peace

I’ve grown faint, yet even in this moment you are my strength
Though my heart is worn, even in this moment your my peace, Lord

So I praise your name

Even though though the clouds are near and the boat shakes
Lord, I will bless your name, even though the storms near and the waves break

I will sing Hallelujah.

PRAISE and WORSHIP is a powerful thing. One Song. One decision to allow HIM to take captive my heart. That’s all it took to align my vision from despair to joy. Choosing to worship HIM and not allow the cloud of hopelessness to be my focus kept me thankful that day, and everyday since. I sense that many of you walking this out instead of positioning your heart towards your creator you’ve allowed your heart to be closed. I get it, sadness can do that. But the cloud will NOT lift until you change how you see your situation. PRAISE changes everything. WORSHIP changes everything. Saying GOD YOU ARE STILL GOD AND YOU ARE STILL GOOD changes everything. OPEN YOUR MOUTH and declare that HE IS GOOD, & ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD. Its only then that you will feel the sadness lift. And as I sang that Hallelujah over and over again, I was reminded how awesome it was to be in that room. I was reminded what an honor it was that HE allowed me to experience the miracle. If you don’t worship and praise him in the broken and desolate places then you won’t praise him when the storm has cleared and the sun in shining. The only thing storms do in life are activate who we really are…What is this storm activating in you?

Is it Joy, peace, kindness?  Is it despair, anxiousness, anger?

I have walked through every emotion in seems as I have traveled this road of infertility ( UGH, that word is the worst. ) But aren’t you thankful that God is still good and loves us and is faithful regardless of how we feel? Don’t get stuck feeling bad about it and get good and being thankful. Sing Hallelujah as loud as you can, with all your might! Praise His name, because HE is worthy, He is Holy, and He deserves it. Don’t waste energy trying to UNDERSTAND what God is doing, just OBEY what you know He is saying and KNOW Your situation does not remove the fact that HE IS ALWAYS at work.  He is working for your Good because HE LOVES YOU. HE KNOWS YOU, AND YOU ARE HIS.
I Am His,
xo Chari

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