I’ve always wanted to write a book about the things NO ONE told me before I got married. I especially now want to write it since I am around so many young single adults all day, every day. I still may do it but until then I’ll attach my top 5 to this post and give you the 10 peso version of things I wish people told me before I got married.
1. Marriage is not a sexcapade: Yes, that’s right, one day out of nowhere you’ll actually prefer sleep. I’m sorry, I know that’s not the most glamorous or encouraging thing to say. In the words of one of my favorites, Kerri Weems, “there’s a good chance you won’t be hanging off any chandeliers!” Marriage is the best, sex in marriage is the bomb, but life WILL happen, things WILL get busy and netflix and chill will become even more awesome because you’ll actually get to watch netflix and chill! This is not a bad thing, it’s just a life thing, you’ll just have to get intentional and that’s okay. If you’re newly married and this is happening or married 20 years and this has happened please see #2.
2. Make time to have adventures: I mean this in every way imaginable. If you don’t take time to get intentional about the time you spend together then your life together will become bland, fast. Also, you don’t need money to have adventures. You don’t need to go on vacation to escape. All you need is each other, and each other should be enough.
here are some ideas that really don’t cost alot:
Go to a new restaurant no one knows about ( I say this lightly because I’m super picky and hate trying new things )
Find a park or place in the city and have a picnic, take a walk.
Play a board game ( Latinos, don’t do this one. It won’t turn out well. We are way to competitive for this to be a good idea )
Do laundry ( we actually have the best talks while cleaning our house together, also the biggest fights because he can’t fold towels correctly – another issue for another day. )
Anyways, get creative.
3. Guard your ears: There will never be anyone more loyal or more in your corner than your spouse. Again, this is only my opinion and everyone’s story and situation is different. But since I come from a BIG family with lots of opinions I had to learn how to guard my ears. When it came to FAMILY decisions, I had to learn that the decisions Esteban and I made were ours and it was okay to kindly and respectfully disagree with our parents or others that wanted a say. Also, I got married young, so this may not apply to everyone. But even after 14 years together & 12 years married I have to remember and remind myself that we are TEAM OROZCO and our opinion about our decisions is what holds weight. Everyone will always have a thought or opinion, choose wisely to what you allow your ears and heart to hear and internalize.
4. The Struggle: Esteban grew up very different then I did. They ate dinner together every night, we did not. They never yelled at each other, and well we may or may not have lived and spoke at a pretty epic tone. He’s a morning person, I like to say I’m a morning person after three cups of coffee and around 11am. He is spontaneous and I am only spontaneous if I can plan out my spontaneity and perhaps color code it in detail. He forgets where his keys are, I on the other hand can spit out every number, login, password, to every card, code, and address for like the last 20 years. We are different and this is what caused us to fall madly and deeply in love and its also what caused us the most heartache early on. Please note that when you get married you marry an entire culture, not just a person.
For example, my husband will wash all the dishes ( because he is awesome ) but he’ll leave the pots and pans on the stove. He NEVER puts them away. So I, his loving wife go behind him and let him know I AM HAVING TO PUT THEM AWAY. About 3 months ago I went to my mother in laws and noticed for the first time in the 20 years I’ve known them that she doesn’t put pots and pans away. She leaves them on the stove. I don’t have enough space on this post to tell you how many things like this that are super NOT IMPORTANT but they drove me crazy early on. Just know that your husband or wife will do things, say things, react to things that they’ve learned for 20+ or 30 + years and now you have to make a brand new culture together. This is not easy, but this is a must have for you guys to last, have patience.
5. Laundry: Don’t wash cashmere! If you can afford to send your shirts to the dry cleaners, do so! Again, this may not be an issue for you but when your two weeks in and your tired and not really paying attention remember that I shrunk my man’s favorite sweater from a Men’s Large to a newborn size and that I possibly dropped red socks in the all whites and turned all his underwear pink. YOU’RE WELCOME!
Marriage isn’t easy, but it’s worth it.