When I was fifteen years old I was playing basketball outside of my cousins house and as I jumped up for a rebound I landed badly on my right ankle. I immediately doubled over in pain, grabbed my ankle and yelled, “OH MY GOD, MY BASKETBALL CAREER IS OVER!” My brother and cousin laughed at my drama but they helped me up…my cousin Carlos literally carried me home. You have to understand at that point in my life MY WHOLE world was wrapped up in basketball. I might have exaggerated the injury but it did end whatever basketball dreams I had. My identity was completely immersed in basketball and it took me several years to find myself again.
The second time in my life where I felt that drastic loss of identity was eight years ago when my husband and I left the church we’d grown up in and began attending Celebration Church. I remember being twenty-three and feeling completely lost. I knew Celebration held a new season for us and I knew we needed a fresh start to our marriage and ministry but that loss of who I thought I was overwhelmed me. At one point I sat at my piano and cried, “If I am not a worship leader than who am I?”
This past weekend I finished my last website and it was like I watched a part of my life slam close like an old book. To be honest that loss of identity has been ever present lately and has recently attempted to pull up a chair next to me. I find my heart asking familiar questions,
If I am not leading worship…
If I am not planning Fast21 events…
If I am not teaching at F.H.A….
If I am not designing websites/graphics…
………………………… who am I?
Not sure if you have ever felt this way but I wanted to put this out there because it’s okay to have a moment where you feel lost…But you can’t stay there. I am so grateful that I am plugged into a life giving church that reminds me that my identity is in Jesus Christ and Jesus is where I need to find my center.
As usual A.W. Tozer said it best :
Rebekkah was merely the daughter of her father, but when she was taken to Issac, she took on a new Identity. Our Identity is now in our Groom. The past identity is forgotten, with all it’s obligations. Our Groom is now our identity and nothing in our past matters anymore. The bride not only takes the identity of the groom but also His name as well. She is now forever known by that name. This Groom is worthy of our affection and deserving of us leaving everything behind and emabracing HIM as our own.
– A.W. Tozer from The Purpose of Man
It’s in the quite times of my day that the Lord answers my unspoken questions. Not sure when it happened but through the storms of my life I’ve learned how to encourage myself and seek after Him even when I don’t “feel” like it. And it’s in those moments where He reveals the most to me — Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. Matthew 7:7
If your faith is current there will never be room to doubt all that you are, because you already know that all that you are belongs to Christ and after that nothing else matters.