It’s official. I am now 36 and the supposed downhill trek has begun. I’ve reached that dreaded place all the other adults refer to as “almost forty.” This is also the place in life where many people my age go into crisis mode and start questioning EVERYTHING that has led them to the proverbial “here”, and where apparently “it only gets worse.”
Being referred to as in your late thirties is like being at a party you didn’t really want to come to so you showed up in your pajamas in protest and you spend the whole time signaling to your bestie to wrap it up. And at this party there are other 30 somethings. You have the ones who are stuck in their 20’s dancing it out on the dance floor to their “JAM.” Then there are the ones chasing their kids around all the while mentioning how the kiddos didn’t nap and that’s why they are off the chain. You of course smile and nod, but really you’re thinking, “was this a no kids party?” Anyway, then there are the SUPER SUCCESSFUL almost forties. You know, the ones who are super articulate and wear JCrew and try to talk to you about the state of the world and of course ask me how I feel about Fidel Castro’s death? I again smile and nod and stare at my phone like someone is texting me and I walk away like I have a fake phone call I HAVE to answer.
But who are we kidding, If I was at this type of party I’d really just be standing in a corner trying not to make eye contact with the other middle aged hipsters-esque creatives who sit in that awkward gap between GenX and the Millennial tribes.
Yep, the other weirdos who are also tattooed and who also solely wear black. It’s kinda like we are all always prepared to just show up at a funeral, or we are all in a Johnny Cash cover band. But the truth is, all of us 30 somethings just want to watch Netflix and be in bed at a normal hour. Honestly, we all secretly wonder how did we get here and other adult like questions…
When did I become the adult?
Did I act like that in my 20’s?
What will this next half of my life look like?
Will I make the same mistakes?
I really thought by the time I reached this party that I’d be skinny and perhaps have a better understanding of what’s going on in the world. The truth, yet again, I’m neither skinny nor do I understand half of the stuff on the news or why things are crazy town. But I do know this one thing, no matter how old I get, no matter how much I attain, life is incredibly fleeting and eternity is real. I am now at the age where people close to me are passing on, friendships have moved on and I am the one that people look to to press on.
Side note: I’ve been writing this blog post since May 10th, 2017 … its June 30th, 2017…
I don’t know why I am sharing any of this or why it’s taking me so long to figure it out. But this post just shows me that age doesn’t mature us, or bring answers, the pressing on does. The writing and deleting, the ideas cultivated in secret, the dreams of my youth I’m watching come to fruition 20 years later. That’s what matters in the end…the pressing on. So I’m not sure who’s reading this…or who needs to press on…
…perhaps a teen who quite literally feels like everything is the end of the world! ( it’s okay, at your age it kinda always is. Take a deep breath, you’re lovely right where you are and I promise, it could be worse…and by worse I mean you’re not living out the hunger games and being forced to chose between a guy who’s name is Gale or Peta. You are currently winning! )
…perhaps you’re single who feels stuck, and wondering why everyone else is engaged and planning their lives and you’re just planning it solely on Pinterest. ( it’s okay, you’ll get there. But don’t rush the season your in or rush into a relationship out of want. God knows what you need and He’ll send em’ when you’re ready. You’ll never be in this moment again, don’t miss the lesson or the independence. )
…perhaps you’re a bit older, perhaps you have kids or a spouse who you want to ninja punch when they eat cereal and you just want to pee alone. ( If this is you, I respect you, go for a jog so you can listen to beyonce alone, watch the crown on Netflix when everyone is asleep, and be happy. There are people all around you that covet what you have. You are blessed, embrace it. )
… and to everyone else who somehow found themselves reading this incredibly strange blog post; no matter what hypothetical party you find yourself in, have fun! People watch with the best of em’. Life isn’t always fair, or easy, but if you just keep pressing on even when you don’t understand the end goal you’ll find yourself becoming a better version of yourself. So love the season your in, teens, 20’s, 30’s, and what I look forward to as the golden years where I can finally say what I really think and people won’t be mad because I can blame it on my age! Every season is important, every season is growing something in you, and every season will leave you better.