I have had my share of awkward moments. Seriously, I could write a whole book on all the times I’ve leapt head first into an awkward situation. Like the time I pooped in my dad’s bosses pool, yea…I was five ( Don’t judge me ). Or how about the time I knocked myself unconscious while vacuum cleaning at work! That one was hilarious and embarrassing all wrapped up into one mega awkward encounter with my boss. ” Yea, I am bleeding because I vacuumed over a piece of metal… and …uh… it hit me in the face. Yea, no, wait..that didn’t knock me unconscious…I fell over the vacuum and the cord came flying out of the wall like a spider monkey and that hit me in the nose and knocked me out!” — Cue awkward silence…
I was reading 1 Samuel this morning in my devo time and I got to the part in the story of King Saul where it said, “…And the Lord was sorry He had ever made Saul King of Israel.” All I thought was, “well, that was awkward.” King Saul was chosen among all of Israel to be the first King. But during his reign he began to believe his own hype and strayed from total obedience. He made the right sacrifices but he didn’t see things through the way it asked of him. I started to think how I can serve God with total fervor yet my heart isn’t in total surrender to what He asks of me. I find myself many times going through the motions but sometimes my heart isn’t in it. I wonder if that’s how Saul started to stray. He knew the right things to do, but his heart wasn’t in it. Later God tells Samuel that he wants a king that is after His heart.
It’s so easy to stray or get bored with your faith when your heart isn’t in it. And if I’ve learned anything I’ve learned the heart is easily seduced. In the last month it’s as if my heart became overwhelmed with the season and with the busyness of my world. In the last couple weeks I’ve had to make some changes and make sure I realigned my heart to all things Jesus. Truth of the matter is,
“…it is when we forget who we are that we’re most vulnerable to bowing down to what we are not… ” -Alicia Britt Chole
Sadly, our humanity will always desire first place and our hearts will bow to whatever lures it away. My prayer this morning was that I would not live a “half-way life.” Like King Saul I don’t want to be driven by my sacrifices and good intentions but by my hearts devotion to my creator and my hearts desire to be obedient. In 2013 I choose to find solace in surrendering my heart totally, and to remind myself that it’s something I have to choose to do daily.